anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
