i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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