I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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