Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
