she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
