So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
