No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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