Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
