I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
