I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
