She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
