And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
