If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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