Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
