i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
