I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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