do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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