It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
