dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
