Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
