After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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