idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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