We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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