When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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