Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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