i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
