No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
