The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
