He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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