i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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