Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
