You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
