Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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