All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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