it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
