My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
