I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it hurts more in the daytime
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
