i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Vodka?
Forever.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
