oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
