The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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