New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
