I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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