I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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