Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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