haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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