There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
