batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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