i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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