Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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