i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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