Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
