my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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