i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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