Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
