I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
