it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
