Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
